Crawford, TX - Amid rising cries that he has screwed over the American people, George W Bush today proposed that the American taxpayer screw itself.
"Y'all need a stimulating," he mumbled to a crowd of press stenographers, "And I'm tiring. The old emission done accomplished, if you now what I mean!"
Bush's plan centers around giving tax breaks to the wealthy.
Bush reasoned that If you put more money in the hands of poor people, they will just spend it on food, health care and other luxuries. But, according to Bush, if you put it in the hands of his friends, they will invest the money wisely in a new Hummer, a sex tour of the Dominican Republic or - (best of all in his opinion) - just offshore more jobs to Southeast Asia.
"What could be more stimulating than that?" Winked the statesman. "The money for my stimulation plan comes from somewhere. I'm borrowing from my foreignistic friends for Americans to repay, meaning, you see, you are stimulating yourself!
"Self-reliance is an American value, and I mean for the American taxpayer to rely on himself for stimulation. Or herself. Or themselves, if you can afford it."
Some Americans are angry at the plans and have demanded jobs be kept in the United States. he droned while no-one listened.
"They go on with fancy talk about a tariff to equalize labor costs, so American workers on on a level playing field. That's just fuzzy math," explained Bush. "Chinese bankers now keeping the American economy afloat and we don't want to make them angry!
"Others say we should fully fund health care for all American children, to employ a hundred thousand health care workers. Heh! My friends in the insurance industry assure me that's the worst thing we could do."
The press applauded the wisdom of the Chief Stimulator. All pundits in the corporate media agreed that it was time for the American people to go and stimulate itself.