In a statement issued today, the long-shot, racist, Republican candidate who can't win, Ron Paul has announced a major change in his platform, and now wants a new excise tax levied on all articles written about him.
Claiming that such a tax could generate enough money to balance the budget, the dark horse, no-account, right-wing nutjob claimed at a news conference, "The only people I hate worse than blacks and gays are these stupid Internet hack writers suckling off my popularity. If they had to give up a buck each time they wrote about my damn toe, or hooked me up with that Godless little tramp Britney Spears, we wouldn't have a national debt anymore.
Independent analysts confirmed that the number of silly stories backed up the Paul campaign's numbers. However, Paul's opponents immediately branded him a flip-flopper for abandoning his no-tax stance.
Internet Hack Writers banded together and protested outside the Paul Campaign Sweatshop and Slavehouse, saying that they needed to write about Ron Paul or else nobody would read their trashy crap at all, and that in any case they were all poor and living at their parent's houses, and none them even had a dollar.