Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, responding with anger at his opponents recent criticisms, particularly as they pertain to changing the constitution to a biblical document, is daring to wrestle all of his major challengers in a "winner takes all" delegates.
At a hastily called press conference a drooling and tearful Huckabee made these comments. "Today, I Michael Junior Huckabee do hereby and henceforth, with all malice aforethought and biblical support challenge my opponents to an old fashioned Arkansas wrestling "throwdown." And I mean to exact my God given right for retribution and I guarantee all of America I will kick the home sweet dookee out of those godless heathens. This event will be a no holds barred, no time limit, and no rules apply. We will be in a cage, with no way out, no referee, and will fight this event in The Church of the Four Square Gospel, in my hometown, in Booger Holler Arkansas."
Huckabee indicated extreme anger toward his opponents for their recent statements that he said "In effect let everyone know before I got elected that I plan to change the constitution to say more Jesus and God stuff, and dang it, I have to have revenge for me and for my heavenly fathers. It ain't right when they let the cat out of the hat, before I could put my evangelical rule changes in the constitution, and jeepers I am ticked off."
Also at the press conference staunchly supporting Huckabee were martial arts expert Chuck Norris and World Wrestling Champion Ric Flair. According to Norris and Flair they will assist Huckabee in prepping for the event. Norris said "Mike is a natural athlete, especially since he lost 140 pounds, and he grew up in Arkansas fighting his neighbors. He also is fearless. I saw him handling rattlesnakes, copperheads and drinking strychnine. All we need to do is work on his strengths like biting and gouging. He also has really bad breath, so we can use that to our advantage." Flair joined in. "Huck is a good fighter, and we have invented some new wrestling holds that will be effective and evangelical friendly. The one we will really teach Huck is called the Biblical Back Breaker. When ole Huck gets Romney in that double banana type hold, you will see and hear that Yankee squeal like a feeder pig hung up under a picket fence gate."
Huckabee ended his press conference by making a pledge to his supporters that "When the smoke clears, I will have the delegates, Romney will have that hairpiece pulled off, Fred Thompson will be so beat up he can never act again, Guliani will need to call 911, and I will have the undisputed World Evangelical Republican Wrestling Belt."