Riyadh, Sordid Arabia - (Bad Ass Mess): George Bush told his Sordid Arabian host King Abdullah today that he is now "twice the man I ever was" following nearly five years of subjugating the Iraqis.
Before the onset of hostilities Bush had even contemplated potentially excruciating erectile surgery using stem cells harvested from Errol Flynn's coffin.
A number of his Texan pioneers also apparently 'volunteered' to donate their personal organs as a matter of patriotic duty for the fledgeling President in early 2001.
"Then something happened," Bush revealed, flinging aside his ceremonial dishdasha that the Sordid hosts had provided for the evening's entertainment.
"Can ya believe it?
"The day mah boys toppled Saddam's statue my manhood began to flower like the Agave Americana century plant!
"Even Laura mah wife was baffled rigid.
"There's a good two inches extra on there now," Bush chortled, "why that's virtually double the size I was born with!"