Written by Robert W. Armijo

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Topics: Anorexia, Gum, Aspartame

Monday, 14 January 2008

image for FDA approves rapid weight loss sugar-free diet gum; recommended by 9 out of 10 anorexics
Do you know anyone having this for dinner tonight?

Washington, DC - Now you can chew your way out of the weight gain you chewed your way into by simply chewing on the newly approved FDA sugar-free diet gum all day long. Just make sure you are near a bathroom as you may experience weight loss nearly immediately, say abusers of the sugar-free gum containing the artificial sweetener sorbitol.

In addition to significant weight loss, they also report, winter mint fresh breath and fifty percent fewer cavities as well.

Originally, German physicians issued a warming regarding the sugar-free gum because of two reported cases of severe diarrhea resulting in significant weight loss. However, the fast track policy of the FDA to approve drugs by American pharmaceutical companies in the shortest time possible, they allowed the makers of the sugar-free gum to market the same product for an entirely different aliments than originally intended.

"We recommend that you also drink plenty of water too as you may find yourself severally dehydrated," cautions an emergency room physician. "I have treated over 20 people for severe hydration just this week alone. Six of which were wannabe actresses, two were supermodels and the rest impressionable teenaged girls with very low self-esteem issues."

Gastroenterologists say Americans do not have to be too concern, as we mostly use aspartame and saccharin as an artificial sweetener in our sugar-gum products. The former of which is associated with mental disorders, and the latter known to cause cancer in rats.

"So you see," said a spokesman for the sugar-free gum industry. "Thanks to the powerful aspartame and saccharin lobby, you are completely safe."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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