Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 13 January 2008

image for With Richardson out of Race, Candidates Court Hispanic Vote
With Richardson out, everyone wants Julio's vote

New Mexico Governor and former U.N Ambassador and Energy Secretary Bill Richardson has withdrawn his name from the Presidential race. The Democrat was the only prominent candidate from either party that had a Hispanic background. Now, others seeking the nomination for the presidency, have tried to jump in and fill that void to attempt to get the Hispanic vote.

Though not an official candidate, Al Gore fondly remembered the times that his grandmother Guadalupe used to take him to Taco Bell for gorditas (after which she would sing the Union Label song). He then claimed that he invented the tortilla.

Mitt Romney quickly pointed out to people that he has had illegal Mexican maids for many years in his family, and that he can even say a few words to them. He fondly remembered conversations with these "women from other countries, who I tried to come to know and understant." His examples of getting to know them better included things like "llavar mis ropas, por favor" and "donde esta mis zapatos? (translated as "please wash my clothes" and "where are my shoes," respectively).

Hillary Clinton reached out to the New York Hispanic community by greeting them with the phrase, "Como Esta Frijole," which translates roughly to "How you bean?"

Barack Obama demonstrated his Spanish vocabulary to everyone, not recognizing that calling someone a "pendejo" as a slang term meant that he was calling them a pubic hair.

When he discovered that many Mexicans were Catholics, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee decided that, just like Mormons, those really were not the kinds of voters a good Christian like him wanted.

Ron Paul pointed out that, being a doctor from Texas, he had brought a lot of Hispanic babies into the world. He added, of course, that many of them were probably illegal "wetbacks" and a lot of the mothers were on medicaid.

John McCain quickly pointed out that his book was available in Spanish also, so that "the few Mexicans who can actually read can find out how good of an American I am because I was once a P.O.W."

In telling a short joke on himself, John Edwards said that he liked lowriders because they were closer to the ground, just like him.

Fred Thompson said that he'd "had a few senoritas in my time, and they're not bad if you've had some of their tequila to drink first."

L.U.L.A.C. has decided to endorse Dennis Kucinich for President, as he was the only candidate who did not say something stupid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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