Washington D.C. - President Bush took advantage of being out of the country in the Middle East today to drop a bombshell back home. He is restarting the military draft to relieve pressure on beleaguered troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. However, this time instead of youth, the focus will target two groups the President fears most, lawyers and Democrats.
Speaking from a bunker under the White House, Vice President Cheney made the announcment, "The President is using his Executive powers to reinstate the military draft. This is not a move he takes lightly, but in these days of terrorism and outlandish acts from Iran, we must be prepared.
"That is why the President has appointed Rush Limbaugh as the new Secretary of State to replace Condoleezza Rice."
Limbaugh's first duty will be to organize the draft of lawyers and registered Democrats. Under the new draft rules Presidential Candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would be eligible for the draft and must register immediately, or face violating Federal law.
Hillary Clinton reacted to the new Draft by saying, "Well I must say this is the lowest point in the Bush Presidency...that being said, I am announcing my candidacy for Prime Minister of Canada."
Barack Obama released a statement, "This announcement is a slap in the face of those wanting to bring change and hope to the people of America, but that being said I am hereby offering my services to my Father's homeland of Kenya, where I hope to restore a fair and honest Democracy."