Written by JAB
Print this
Topics: Baseball

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

image for Heads or Tails if Ted Williams Appears Before Baseball Hearings

WASHINGTON - The House Oversight Committee plans to hold hearings on January 16, 2008 into the illegal use of steroids and other enhancing substances by players in Major League Baseball. Current players, Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens, Andy Knoblauch and trainer Brian McNamee are expected to testify.

It has been learned that suspicions about, Hall of Famer, Ted Williams lifetime .634 average has been part of the committee's concern. As a result, the slugger whose head and body are suspended separately in liquid nitrogen at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation is expected to appear on the second day.

Mr. Williams immediate family has stated that they would gladly comply with the Committee's request. However, there is some disagreement among family members as to what part of Ted should appear. Some family members think the bright lights in the hearing room would necessitate the Hall of Famer having to wear sunglasses, making him look, "kinda silly", while, others think his neck isn't big enough to support a shirt and tie. It's expected his long time trainer Ben Gay will speak on his behalf.

Roger Clemens commenting on the situation, stated, "Ted Williams was a heads up player when he was an active player and even after retiring from the game, he's still able to separate himself from all this trash talk surrounding baseball."

Make JAB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

9 17 10 25
41 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more