Point Conception, New Hampshire - Bill Clinton called in some old political favors and had the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena, California, transmit new instructions to the Pathfinder probe presently located on the surface of Mars to seek out and find signs of life on his wife's campaign trail for the Presidency. JPL officials agreed and instructed the probe to began scanning in New Hampshire, but it will continue to scan throughout her bid for the Presidency.
"The Pathfinder probe is the finest machine engineered for interplanetary exploration in the search for extraterrestrial life," said a JPL official. "It was built to survive in the most extreme hostile environment ever imaginable. But we did not take into account the American political landscape that's over ripe for change."
In deed, the Mars Pathfinder probe was built to sustain the strain of powerful g-forces as it blasts off. Make a long days journey into night in radiation filled space; reenter an alien planet's atmosphere in a ball of fire; crash land on its inhospitable surface and nearly set itself up to broadcast millions of miles back to earth in extreme cold and heat, but it was never intended to survive the hostilities of an American Presidential election.
"That probe could survive just about anything else," continued the JPL official. "We're just not certain it can successfully compete this mission. If that machine can't find any life on Clinton's campaign trail, it's because it just doesn't exist."