Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Monday, 7 January 2008

image for Tiger victims 'were carrying Aborigine catapults; blowguns and boomerangs' to stalk and kill their prey', say San Francisco Zoo officials
Aborigines stalked the eye of the tiger

San Francisco, California - The latest outrageous claim from San Francisco Zoo officials where a tiger attack killed a 17-old-boy and mauled two other young men came today when they alleged that the reason why the tiger that leaped from its sub-standard enclosure was because one, if not all three victims, provoked the attack, using a catapult, blowgun and boomerang.

Hand sketched artist illustrations just released by zoo officials clearly show all three young men dressed in full native regatta with their stone aged catapults, blowguns, and boomerangs sneaking right pass zoo security.

Surprisingly, said zoo officials, the three made their way through the park grounds while drawing little attention from other zoo patrons as well, even as the moved into position in front of the tiger enclosure.

Novelty lottery ticket sized posters of artist renderings showing all three men donned in their native ceremonial garb and wearing facial war paint poised before the tiger enclave filled the zoo's press conference stage.

"As you can clearly see," said the zoo official into a handless microphone suspended under his chin, attached to a silvery metallic harness that hung from his shoulders, dressed in a matching kaki safari hat, shirt and shorts and using a Nepal walking stick as a pointing aide. "The three natives…I mean young men encircled the helpless tigers that cowered in the corner of their enclave. Until one tiger reluctantly leaped to the defense of the others."

Although zoo officials could not produce any videotaped footage from the security cameras rolling at the time of the young men actually assaulting the tiger enclave with their stone aged weaponry, zoo officials denied any foul play on their behalf, citing security personnel was merely following zoo policy to destroy any incriminating evidence indiscriminately.

The final panel was the most controversial as it depicted the victims apparently injuring themselves with their stone aged weapons as they attempted to sacrifice each other to the attacking tiger.

"We believe this final panel proves the young men were engaged in some male bonding ritual in which the one who dies receives immortality in the afterlife of the great hunting grounds in the sky," said the zoo official, struggling to speak above the sound feedback on his microphone.

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