Written by King David

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Topics: Animals

Sunday, 6 January 2008

image for Iguana falls on homeless man
Iguanas go to sleep when the temperatures get too cold

As temperatures in Miami fell into the 40's overnight, an iguana fell on a homeless man last night sleeping in a park. Experts say that the cold-blooded reptiles go into a deep sleep when the temperature gets that cold and their bodies just shut off and they lose their grip on the tree.

The unidentified homeless man, who was said to be sleeping on a bench beneath a tree in Morpheus Park near the fourth ward awoke in the middle of the night and thought that his DT's had come to life. He was also alcoholic.

"My God, the sky was green with falling iguanas," he said. "I tried to run, but couldn't."

TheSpoof.com correspondent, Gnarly Erik, who was walking his Alaska corrupt-bastard eating wolf last night and who is currently wintering in Florida confirmed the man's astonishing account and was an eye-witness to the incident.

"I couldn't believe my eyes!" he said. "Old Buck was taking a piss when I saw the man laying on the bench. Then, all of a sudden, this iguana falls out of nowhere on top of him. Buck started barking and the man shot up to a 45 degree angle. What a shock it must have been!"

Miami Metrozoo officials say that even though the iguanas look dead and turn gray while they are asleep, they will wake up when the temperature rises. Their lives are only threatened if the temperatures do not rise back up again after 4 to 10 hours.

However, herpetologist, Dr. Kenneth Tuttle at the Florida Museum of Natural History says that long cold snaps are not necessarily a bad thing.

"The populations of iguanas have expanded so drastically that when we do experience a really cold snap," he says, "it will kill off a lot of them. They're not native, and they're considered a nuisance especially to the homeless here in Miami."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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