United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's security detail spent a productive day yesterday erasing reporters tape recordings of a speech the Conservative Republican Justice gave at a Mississippi Christian high school. A local Hattiesburg rube, in this case Deputy U.S. Marshall Melanie Rube confiscated the cassette tape of one reporter and erased the digital recording of another.
An aide to Justice Scalia, Billy Bob Jimmy Joe John (Bubba) Birch, speaking on the condition that all reporters notes and tapes would be confiscated after the interview said,
"Justice Antonin ( Fuck the First Amendment) Scalia has a long standing policy of not allowing anyone but Right Wing Conservative Religious Nuts to hear anything he has to say. The problem in the past has been that the Liberal Godless Press has distorted Justice Scalia's innocent comments and deeds. For instance, the Liberal Godless Heathens in the Press really put a negative spin on the fact that Justice Scalia, one of this countries defenders of Truth, Justice and the American Way, refused to recuse himself from a case involving his duck hunting buddy Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney. I mean, if you can't do backroom deals with the guys you're judging over a few dead ducks and then hide it from the press what fun is it to be a Supreme Court Justice?"
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, " President George (The Man Who Would Be King) Bush and Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney stand firmly behind Judge Scalia, whatever the hell he said. We believe that just as this Administration doesn't have any responsibility to be honest with the American People, any Conservative Supreme Court Justice should be immune from the scrutiny of anyone who disagrees with our repressive agenda. Besides, truth is such a subjective thing, don't you think?"