"It started as a gag, but then people started sending me money. It wasn't supposed to go this far." said Mr. Paul, who then revealed that he is really an unemployed circus clown named Barney Klemperer.
Mr. Klemperer claims that since early in his joke "campaign" he has been dropping hints about the stupidity of his "platform" but "folks just seem to like what I say. No-one seems to get it." Asked what hints he had dropped, he answered "Just look at what I claimed to stand for, I mean, how silly can you be and still be taken seriously? I'll list a few if you like." We liked, so he did.
"I claim to be an OB/GYN and pro life. Well duh! At $16000 per kid, why would an OB/GYN be pro choice. That'd be like telco exec being pro smoke signals. Then there's my "Freedom Principles". Has anyone ever read them? Check them out."
- Rights belong to individuals, not groups. "So we enact 300 million new sets of laws - one set each."
- Property should be owned by people, not government. "Does anyone want to buy some tanks, aircraft carriers and F22's?"
- All voluntary associations should be permissible -- economic and social. "Al Qaeda and the Taleban should not be discriminated against, and Big Oil and finance cartels are good for you."
- The government's monetary role is to maintain the integrity of the monetary unit, not participate in fraud. "Even if they have to ignore the Federal Reserve and bend the law to do it."
- Government exists to protect liberty, not to redistribute wealth or to grant special privileges. "Coming from a Federal Congressman, that just has to get a belly laugh, doesn't it?"
- The lives and actions of people are their own responsibility, not the government's. "In other words, you're on your own buddy. If you ever need a cop, buy your own."
"Next week I was going to announce free handguns for every American over 10 years of age, the use of illegal immigrants as free range moving targets, free porn on the net, the right to poison anyone you disagree with, the right to take and use anything you want anywhere anytime, renaming of The Ten Commandments as the 10 suggestions, price control on hookers.
"Pot, crack, ice, speed and H to be available at 7-11, free gas and tobacco, and then I'd plead with the electorate not to vote for anyone ever again, never ever.. ! After some thought I decided that you still wouldn't get the joke, so here's my final word - I AM A JOKE!"