Written by Jesus Budda
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Saturday, 29 December 2007

image for Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh behind Tigger zoo attacks
Disney spokeswoman, the Witch, denied any involvement and offered us this apple as a 'treat'

Shoeprints discovered at the scene of the deadly escape of a tiger at San Francisco zoo was yesterday being investigated by cops, as it was revealed that the wall of the moat around the animal pen was almost 20ft lower than it was supposed to be.

The shoeprints were left on a fence beside the enclosure from which the rare bounciny-tailed tiger, named Tigger, escaped on Christmas Day, killing a teenager and mauling two of his friends.

"They're very distinctive shoeprints", said police Chief, Barry Bollox, " one of them is actually more of a paw-print".

"We are following a definite line of enquiry in this fucking investigation. One of the shoeprints is very small, like that of a young boy. We also found some honey at the crime scene in a discarded honey pot.".

Tigger, the enforcer of the group, was apprehended and sentenced to life imprisonment at San Fran zoo. It's thought the Robin and Pooh were attempting to break him free when the scheme went horribly wrong.

He attacked a number of friends before he was shot dead. Boo hoo.

Suspicion has fallen on popular Disney characters Winnie the Pooh and his little friend Christopher Robin. The two were close 'friends' of Tigger, whom they once lived with in the forest before moving the San Francisco - the gay capital of the world - where they wouldn't stand out so much in their 'gayness'. They were all part of a gang which also included a small pig thing and a dull donkey who terrorised the community on and off for over 60 years. Robbins, a man-child, has never aged and uses his 'cuteness' to gain the sympathy of unsuspecting victims.

"He robbed me of my purse", said Violet Cnut, " little bastard.He should be strung up by the balls, him and his forest critter associates".

Many believe that the Disney corporation has been shielding the gang from prosecution. Disney denies this despite the fact that Pooh merchandise earns them billions each year.

The dead man's friends - who are recooperating in hospital - are due in court next month for being drunk bastards and resisting arrest following a police chase.

After meeting with police, the dead man's father Carlos Sousa Sr praised his son as a "hero." "He didn't run. He tried to help his friend, and it was him who ended up getting it the worst. Should've been the other little fuckers," he said.

The zoo's director has announced that they will build better safety measures - all thanks to a grant they've received from Disney. Look out for coming attractions such as the Little Mermaid enclosure.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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