Written by King David
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Topics: Snow

Friday, 28 December 2007

image for Farmer Says toy drives snow bound Midwestern family insane
.....and the pig says.....oink, oink, oink, oink........

A Midwestern family was driven crazy recently by one of their children's toys. Wendy Bottom said that they gave one of their children The Farmer Says toy for Christmas and that's all they have heard for the last three days.

"The rooster says….cocka, cocka, cocka, cocka, cocka, cocka, cocka…..The pig says….grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt…..The cow says……mmmooooo, mmmmooooo, mmmmooooo, mmmmooooo, mmmmooooo, mmmmooooo, mmmmooooo….."

The family was reported snow-bound in their northwestern Kansas home after a blizzard dumped 10 feet of snow on Christmas day.

Spokesperson for Fissure Price, the company that makes the toy, Dixon Hand, said that they will take no responsibility for actions of their sonorously aberrant toy that it was the owner's negligence that caused the toy to drive them crazy and not the toy itself.

Lawyers working for the family say that they are deliberating on how to proceed and will more than likely sue Fissure Price for malfeasance.

The federal government has been asked to intervene and require warning labels to be put on the toy and others like it that require consumers to limit their exposure to the toy during extreme circumstances such as snow storms, wars and other natural disasters in which family members are forced into close quarters together for extended periods of time.

So far, the government hasn't offered any guidelines as to how much exposure they would safely allow, but did say that people should certainly pay close attention to how they are feeling and their mood when exposed to the toy.

"We're thinking that a possible two-hour exposure to the incessant animal garbling will be enough to put most people under," said government spokesman, Dick Wood. "However, we need to do more research before we are able to offer any conclusive results."

Spokesperson for the Kansas Humane Society, Amos Canis, said that the toy, because of its repetitious nature, is predisposed to putting animals in an unfair and bad light.

"Furthermore, it reinforces animal stereotypes that all animals of one species sound alike," he said. "Nothing could be further from the truth."

The federal government is also considering passing a Farmer Says toy Animal Identification and Records Act, so that it can keep track of where the toys go after they are purchased by consumers.

"If we have this information," says U.S. Representative Collin Peterson, "then we'll know more which families are at risk and which animal sounds are doing the most damage. We'll also be better able to keep track of those individuals who need counseling after purchasing the toy."

Spokesperson for the Midwestern Cloistered Family Alert (MCFA), Ohphelia Teats, said that they are receiving more reports of insanity cases due to excessive use of the toy and are petitioning the federal government to put an end to the manufacturing of the insipidly circuitous toy.

No word has been given in return.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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