Presidential hopeful and Texas Congressman Ron Paul has decided to drop out of the race for the Republican nomination. In a statement issued by the Ron Paul for President campaign, the doctor said that "I feel I have been able to deliver my message, but do not believe that the time is right for me to be your next President."
"I also know that I am getting on in years and viagra can only do it's job for so long. As a gynecologist and as a political player, I've looked at enough pussys over the years that I want to take advantage of them before I'm all petered out."
"I had hoped to stay in the election longer than Dennis Kucinich, but it looks like that isn't going to happen."
At the announcement, the remaining Paul supporters were reported to have committed mass suicide. Funerals for both of them will be held the day after Christmas. This publication sympathizes with the families of Ethan and Marvin and wishes them the best in dealing with their losses.