Written by Jesus Budda
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Sunday, 23 December 2007

image for Lucky Man finds hay in needle-stack - now no need to become a Hooker
Greedy Industrialists are drilling for precious corn in the mountains as crop harvests flounder

Canadian farmer, Billy Rudnik, was one lucky guy yesterday after he discovered a bale of hay in a stack of needles his wife kept stored in an outhouse.

"I'm the luckiest man alive", smiled toothless Billy, as he held aloft the small 2 foot by 5 foot bale, " lookk at me. I'm the king of the world!"

Wheat prices have skyrocketed in recent months following widespread crop failures all around the world. Billys stack will fetch a whopping $1,000,000 from Canada ,The United States and abroad. Kelloggs Corn Flakes have been in constant contact with Billy since his find. Kelloggs are currently struggling to fill demand and have recently taken to adding extra materials to their Corn Flakes 'formula' such as pebbles , dried leaves and bat guano.

Some under pressure farmers have taken the drastic step to leave the argicultural business altogether to persue a more lucrative career in prostitution.

"A good 'ol friend of mine, Ned Felder, sold up and left the town a few months back", said Billy, "moved on up to the big city. Makes 400 bucks an hour sellin' his ass down backstreets to politicians and dentists. Now where's a farmer gonna make that kind of cash around here?"

"I aint purdy enough, what with my bad teeth and halitocis breath from suckin' on wheat germ, to go sellin' my ass for no $400", admitted billy, " heck, I wouldn't make 40 cents."

At least now Billy can stay on his small homestead and it's all thanks to his piece of good fortune.

"Findin' that bale of hay in a stack of needles was kinda like findin' a needle in a haystack",said Billy, "I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams. Not that I ever dreamed of being a rich man. I only ever dream of sheep. Purdy sheep."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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