Written by Noshing Mink
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Saturday, 22 December 2007

image for Ron Paul's dirty draft dodging secret
You won't find Ron Paul here.

Presidential hopeful Ron Paul was floored by a questioner in South Park, Colorado on the issue of dodging the draft. The 72-year old Texan, who normally has more answers than Google, was asked about his recent military history and shamefully admitted that he did not take part in the invasion of Afghanistan in 2001 or the invasion of Iraq in 2003.

Voters have been gobsmacked by the embarrassing confessions by a man who wants to be Commander in Chief of the US Military. Across the country, disillusioned men have been pulling down posters of the Congressman from their lockers and RVs. One gun-toting hillbilly said "He should have been in Baghdad when they tore down the statue of Sadam, but no doubt he was at some fancy pants restaurant in Washington at the time."

However, all is not lost for the silver-haired contender, since incumbent George W. Bush promised that "We're still hopeful of an away match against Iran and need a good pitcher".

Lack of military experience plagued previous President Bill Clinton, who admitted in an interview with Larry King that "if I had spent more time getting shot at than getting shagged, I'd have won the NRA vote". Gary Hart lost two elections in 1984 and 1988 after it transpired that he had not fought in World War 2, citing "age restrictions".

Whether Ron Paul signs up for the forthcoming Iran tour or not, his chances of moving to the White House have certainly diminished, since Tehran's too far to commute to.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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