United Airlines, once in the red and near bankruptcy up to its wing tips, is at last flying in the black, able to spread great Christmas cheer, paying $250 million to shareholders at year's end. And that's one big partridge in a pear tree.
United's jingle bells of profit may be directly attributed to whimsical novel Changing Plains, by K. C. Bell, a runaway bestseller according to The Wall Street Kernal, Washington Toast and The New York Limes.
"Nah! K. C. Bell and Changing Plains have nothing to do with United Airlines."
Maybe, but Changing Plains begins on a United Airlines flight and people are buying the novel on amazon.com, reading it and making speedy reservations to anywhere. The instant surge in business for United can only be attributed to Changing Plains.
"Blah, hum bug! United's success is due to excellent executive management and has nothing to do with Changing Plains."
Writer Bell introduces the reader to a story about a flight upgrade, and who doesn't desire an upgrade? But this isn't the usual move from a straightjacket seat in economy to a push button flat bed in first class, the upgrade extends to an upgraded life after the central character deplanes in London.
"We don't have straightjacket seating in economy and everyone feels upgraded after one of our restful trans-atlantic flights."
Really? Like hello: porters, chauffeurs, limousines, butlers, servants, cooks, maids, gamekeeper, vintage cars, saddled horses, castles and an American Express card? Forget the weight gain that came with the upgrade, or the seedy lovers; in Changing Plains, like summer, the living is easy...
"United isn't out of the red because of some writing hack from Frisco."
Hold it there, Pilgrim: First, don't call it Frisco. Second, K. C. Bell has written over one hundred articles for British political satire website, The Spoof, (noted as the best political satire site on the internet) and has received near 100, 000 reads. Bell is also a good friend of Air Force One: Spoof, Air Force One Has Attitude, September 29, 2005.
In that case: Welcome aboard. It's time to fly.