Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Thursday, 20 December 2007

image for Dr. Phil psychoanalyzes Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy for any latent self-sabotaging mother issues
Jamie Lynn's way out?

Hollywood, California - Dr. Phil, self-described country psychologist, has just finished taping a show today in which he psychoanalyzed Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy for any latent self-sabotaging mother issues. Convinced that her pregnancy is no accident, he alleges that the teenaged pregnancy is not a cry for help, but her first-class airline ticket on the redeye express out of her famous dysfunctional family.

"There is dichotomy between Jamie Lynn and the character, 'Zoey', that she portrays on the Nickelodeon," said Dr. Phil before his studio audience and his ever-omnipresent wife. "A parallel that runs alongside each of the young girls' lives that I believe is worthwhile exploring here."

"Now," continued Dr. Phil. "I find it interesting that Jamie Lynn has never been late for her 10 p.m. curfew in her life. Furthermore, that the character 'Zoey' that she plays on her show of the same name, also has never been late to class. Yet, both have missed their period. Come on people. What's really going on here?"

Dr. Phil explained to the audience that he believes that Jamie Lynn's pregnancy was her way to get out of her dysfunction family's lifestyle. Citing resent psychology studies that have discovered that children in unhappy homes will often mature sexually much faster and become sexually active, often engage in sexually risky behavior than their happier peers.

"Children need love," Dr. Phil claims. "But not the kind that uses birth control that school districts are throwing at them. They need the kind that comes from parental evolvement in their young lives on a daily bases, so they don't seek out some where else and in age inappropriate ways."

Dr. Phil asserts that Britney Spears has attempted to escape her own family as well by failing to take court ordered drug testing and repeatedly failing to make child custody court appearances.

"Jamie Lynn's big sister, Britney, wants out too," said Dr, Phil. "She just doesn't know it. But all the signs are there."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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