Written by Dannarones
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Topics: The Spoof, Iraq

Saturday, 3 April 2004

image for Wacky Hats in Iraq: The Solution to Decreased Morale?
US Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfield sporting the "Viking Victory" hat which wille become standard issue in Northern Iraq.

With the increasing attacks upon American soldiers stationed in Iraq, there has also been a vast decrease in the morale of US servicemen and women. General. M. Brandock told the Spoof that his men "just do not want to fight anymore, they dont know who the enemy is, and live in constant fear", which he says only helps in the mounting death toll. There have been reports of soldiers in Northern Iraq who have threatened disbandment, and various companies are falling apart.

In response to the reports of depression and ill-desire to fight for the freedom of millions of Iraqis at the front, Washington has been working on a plan that it hopes will help reverse the negative trend. US Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfield announced on Friday afternoon the plan to implement his brainchild morale program "Wacky Hats-in-Iraq" on April the 8th. "the 8th is a symbolic day for the inaguration of the program, as H is the 8th letter in the alphabet" stated Rumsfield. The program, aims to cut the decrease in morale at its roots by incorporating Humour into US military operations. The program also hopes to gain more Iraqi support, by allowing the children of the country, who are also in need of spiritual upheaval to associate more with the american soldiers, and take part in the fun.

The program will be implemented on Thursday, and all US soldiers will be required to give back their Army issue helmets which will be replaced by the wild hats. "We will have Viking Hats, cowboy hats, sailor hats to name a few, but they will be in crazy colours so that the soldiers dont miss a moment of excitement, and there will even be freedom to choose your favorite hat" stated Rumsfield, who was wearing his own hat during the press confrence.

Although the US Defense council seemed skeptical about the plan stating that "the use of party hats on the field of combat, seems innapropriate and dangerous, as they provide insufficient camoflauge and protection against incomming projectiles and shrapnel", said they would support Mr. Rumsfields decision and ensure that the program was executed on time and effectively.

When asked about the contraversial swich in head gear, President George W. Bush commented that "Casual wear in the Army is where it is these days, its the 21st century, and our soldiers need to hit the front with style. By doing so, our men and women will feel confident in themselves, and also will work much more efficiently in a good humoured environment towards the continued freedom of the Iraqi people". President Bush also said that he fully supported the program, and would take a leading role in the operation. The President and Secretary Rumsfield will be picking out the rest of the crazy Headwear on monday, which will be shipped to Iraq promptly.

Whether or not Blue and Pink Victory-Viking Hats are the answer to the morale problem in Iraq, the American soldiers will sure have a harder time avoiding snipers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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