Written by Warren Redlich
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Monday, 17 December 2007

image for Romney Beats Ron Paul Money Bomb
Mitt Romney gets ready to high-stick Ron Paul

Mitt Romney showed up the Ron Paul campaign today, with $10 million in donations. The rag tag Ron Paul team planned a "money bomb" which is expected to raise approximately $6 million in one day. Romney bested that by donating his own money.

Trevor Lyman started all of this with a money bomb on November 5th, honoring Guy Fawkes Day. With the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, Lyman set up another one. But this time it did not play the same way.

Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts, was not happy about being shown up in one of his back yards. The zillionaire candidate donated $10 million online using the campaign's PayPal button and his American Express Elythirium Card. While most people are limited to only $4600 in donations to a candidate each election cycle, the candidate himself is exempt from that limit.

To teach Ron Paul a further lesson, Romney next plans to unleash an army of zombie Mormon cult members. The zombies will stand on street corners holding Romney signs, fly several blimps around the country, and stage Meetups in Starbucks cafes nationwide. Romney also warned that his zombies have been trained to eat the brains of any Ron Paul supporters they find. When Ron Paul called Romney to complain, Romney threatened to "go medieval on your ass, and your damn Constitution."

Dick Cheney called Romney at the end of the day to congratulate him on his efforts to step up the campaign. A zombie himself, Cheney promised President Bush would grant amnesty to any Mormon zombies who get charged with attacks on Ron Paul.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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