Written by Dr A Friend
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Topics: Florida

Saturday, 3 April 2004

image for USEY syndrome yawns into the headlines
A young USAY syndrome sufferer listens intently to the president

Florida, USA - During a dramatic speech by president G W Bush the strongest evidence documented so far emerged about the existence of the so-called "USEY syndrome". It has been claimed that the condition manifests itself in a series of symptoms including lethargy, boredom, inability to stand still and yawning.

More formally known as United States Election Year syndrome, the condition is rarely seen outside the USA, where exposure to education, proper news media and healthy food are all considered to ward off the effects of the syndrome. The fact that most of the world don't give a toss about US elections is also considered to bolster immunity from USEY.

In its more extreme form, USEY syndrome can lead to narcolepsy - and the sudden falling asleep of the sufferer. Dr Ineeda Kip from the Nodland research institute in Bedfordshire explained the situation, "In some cases, a droning voice can prevent the onset of the narcolepsy stage by keeping the hapless victim just awake, as demonstrated in the photograph."

Sporting her trade-mark Eva Braun hairstyle and black suspenders, Dr Convoluuuuted Lies from the White House denied rumours that there were plans to hold elections every year, thus ensuring that the population were comatose permanently, instead of one year in four.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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