Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: marijuana

Saturday, 3 April 2004

image for Marijuana Party Candidate Drops Out, Endorses Kerry, As Does Hasselhoff
Kerry totally munches out with Sheepo.

In a move that will most definitely turn the tide of the election in democratic nominee John Kerry's favor, Marijuana Party presidential hopeful Dodd Sheppo has announced that he is dropping out of the race and putting his full support behind Kerry.

"Yeah, like, we just couldn't hack it anymore, man ... so that's it," Sheppo said. "But Kerry seems like a good dude. He was in Vietnam, man! Everyone toked up in Vietnam!"

Kerry's reaction could be described as ecstatic upon hearing the news that Sheppo was behind him.

"Cementing the weed vote is a crucial step towards victory," Kerry said. "Even though, most of those dopeheads forget to go vote."

Upon hearing the news, President Bush was disheartened but resolute.

"Although we regret not picking up the endorsement of such a powerful party, we're still overjoyed to have the crack-addict vote," Bush said.

Asked if he was going to tailor his campaign philosphy to cater to his new supporters, Kerry said, "Hey hey hey hey hey hey, smoke weed every day."

It was a doubly-positive day for the Kerry campaign, as he also learned he received the crucial endorsement of actor David Hasselhoff.

"I've carefully studied the issues and considered the character of the candidates," Hasselhoff read at his press conference, "And I believe that John Kerry will be the best choice for our next President."

Hasselhoff's announcement sent shockwaves through political insiders, who were hinging their predictions on Hasselhoff's decision.

"Historically, the endorsement of David Hasselhoff has basically been the election clincher," said Joe Neuman, founder of the "Who Will the President Be?" Foundation. "He backed Bill Clinton when most people weren't giving him a chance back in 1992. Plus, his endorsement of George W. Bush in the last election was the push over the cliff that he needed to win."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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