WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry picked up yet another endorsement today, this one from the Local Interns Professional Services Union.
At the close of their annual convention, LIPS Spokesperson Leona Couch announced that the Interns Union voted enthusiatically and unanimously to throw their support Kerry's direction. "Opportunities for interns during the Bush Administration have been stagnant," she explained. "John Kerry, on the other hand, offers hope for interns that could match the opportunities of the Clinton years. While the rumors of John Kerry's long-term affair with one of our members are still being denied, it's important to note that just the allegations of such activities open doors for our members."
Pointing in the general direction of the White House, she sternly added, "The current administration has selfishly denied such opportunities to the LIPS members, and we insist that it's time our careers were given the same kind of head start that Monica Lewinsky's was given."
Ms. Lewinsky took time out of her busy television schedule to be the featured speaker at this year's LIPS convention, delivering an inspiring seminar on "Revealing your potential: How to grab the baton and blow your career sky high". Other convention highlights included such topics as "What not to wear to get noticed!" and "Dry cleaning: Friend or Foe?"
Most news services declined to cover the announcement, however. AP editors dismissed the press conference with a wave. "A union backing a Democratic Candidate? What's their next big announcement? That the world is round?"