Written by SpaceElevator
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Thursday, 13 December 2007

image for 'Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety' Might Push Your Buttons
This woman has Generalized Library Anxiety Disorder (GLAD)

US and A (New York Times Staff Rapporter) - Many people have sat through the late night television infomercial:

Don't wait, call now. We have helped millions of people overcome their anxiety every year. See for yourself how easy it is to enjoy a healthier happier way of living...


As it turns out, a quick visit to the website for the 'Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety' is more likely to contribute to a sense of stress & anxiety. First of all, one is offered a 'Free Test' -- a series of seventy questions that ultimately asks one for all of his or her contact information in order to view the important results.

"What a crock!" critiqued one angry respondent. "I answered 'no' to all of their questions. But then when they insisted on asking me for my personal information, I got pissed off."

"It's abhorrent and I intend to get to the bottom of it," commented White House Deputy Self-Help Czar, Jay Hein. "These are serious allegations. And I am serious about finding the b*stards who are responsible. Seriously."

Though not yet confirmed, it is rumored that one Alaska man became so overwhelmed with anxiety after an encounter with the Center that he abruptly left his home in search of sunnier weather.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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