Fallujah, Iraq - While several points of President Bush's Iraqi Surge are coming together as hoped, there is one new weapon that Iraqi insurgents are using against Coalition forces. Insurgent forces have been conducting biological gas attacks throughout all of Iraq.
"We walked into a Taco Bell, on a lunch break, heard a FLARP come from some guy in the corner and the next thing we knew we had to put on our gas masks to protect us from that stenching odor. One of our men hesitated to put on his mask and scrame 'Freaking Fallugjah'. He's at Walter Reed and we won't be seeing him for awhile." horrifically recounted James Stapleton Sgt. US Army.
After several biological gas attacks, all Taco Bells in Iraq have been closed down by an executive order by President Al Maliki. The Iraqi Parliament also passed a bill to ban all imports of refried beans.
US Marines detained a truck carrying refried beans from Iran at a border checkpoint yesterday. "This truck is adequate proof that Iran is producing weapons of mass production. If we don't give them (Iran) refined uranium, then they'll find another way to make hazardous weapons," proclaimed US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates.
Iranian Ayotollah Kholomeni was not available for comment because he was busy inspecting a nuclear plant under construction. General Petraus is asking Washington for permission to conduct an air strike against all refried bean factories in Iran.