Today federal agents confiscated nearly $100,000.00 worth of carwash tokens from Bubba's Bubblebath Buggywash of Liverpool, Iowa.
In cooperation with local authorities, the coins were seized as part of an ever expanding federal operation to combat such alleged "counterfeiting" operations that the Fed accuses of "contributing to the decline in purchasing power of US currency." Feds say that they are also investigating the possibility that such "alternative currencies" helped to contribute to the 9/11 attacks, by "laundering money for Al-Qaeda."
Bubba's loyal customers expressed shock over the news that Secret Service agents had padlocked their favorite carwash, leaving many of them with ashtrays full of now worthless tokens. A rumor has even circulated that possession of those tokens may label Bubba's former patrons as "enemies of the state." Despite such concerns, one customer confided his intention to defiantly sell his own stockpile of tokens on ebay. Another customer commented that he had always imagined that, if Bubba's were ever "raided by the feds, it would be the INS."
Some opponents of this new federal policy have suggested that the most serious threat to the USD is not actually subway tokens and Disney Dollars, but rather the fact that Federal Reserve Notes are no longer backed by gold or silver, which they claim the Constitution requires US money to be.
Since such raids and forfeitures are becoming a common occurrence, in the wake of the recent confiscation of 2 tons of Presidential candidate Ron Paul copper dollars, minted by a supporter as a campaign novelty, to help supporters spread the candidate's message of sound money, I attempted to reach officials for comment on "Operation Gold Finger" (as it's been officially dubbed by the Treasury Department). When asked to confirm whether the dollar's steady decline could be linked to the abandonment of the gold standard, Treasury Dept. Press Secretary, Ima Maejure-Nudder, simply giggled and muttered, "I dunno." When asked to explain the link between campaign novelty coins, carwash tokens, and the war on terror, she belched into the phone and hung up.