Written by Monkey Woods
Print this

Thursday, 22 November 2007

image for French Computer Calculates George Bush Should Go To Jail For 2 Million Years
I swear by Almighty God, that your sons died for oil

A computer that analyses and compares data to come up with logical and mathematical solutions, has determined that, based on recent custodial sentences handed down to terrorists responsible for terrorism on both sides of the Atlantic, US President George W. Bush should probably go to jail for nearly two million years!

The French computer, known as SEDAM (Systeme et Data Analytique Mathematical), used information fed to it about the perpetrators of the World Trade Center atrocity and London bombings - their motives, actions, subsequent defences and eventual punishments - and calculated what would happen to the American President if the same rules of Law were applied.

Manfo Asiedu, a would-be London 21/7 bomber, who lost his nerve and dumped his bomb in a park, received a 33-year prison sentence for his troubles, despite the fact that he killed nobody.

Mr Bush, on the other hand, is currently responsible for the deaths of more than 60,000 Iraqis, several Afghans, a few token Brits and over 2,000 US troops who have perished needlessly in his "War On Terror", but faces no charges whatsoever.

SEDAM has calculated that, all things being equal, which they are not, Mr Bush should serve 1.89million years in prison.

French legal expert Alain Guerre said of the findings:

"Terrorism is terrorism. Terrorists are terrorists, no matter where they hail from. Monsieur Bush should accept the computer's decision and hand himself over to the authorities."

Giving an after dinner speech at the Texas Terrorists Collective, Mr Bush responded to the news in jocular fashion when he said:

"Computers! You can never git the darned things to work for ya!"

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

6 19 8 10
50 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more