Trouble is a-brewing, trouble most horrid. Never in the history of the state has a President suffered with such low approval ratings. Figures released just minutes ago show that Commander and Chief's rating stands at a respectable 2%, with a 2.4% margin of error. This of course is relative to your understanding of the word respectable.
Meanwhile, at the Republican party headquaters in Snake Mountain, the GOP talent scouts believe they have found a Candidate that will tick all the right boxes, bring them back from the brink and fulfill various other proverbs that score well with the voters. His name, Akkituyok Lincoln, a homo-sexual Inuit Midget from the 50th State (if you count from the bottom up).
The GOP are following the methodology that is currently steam rolling the Democrats into the hot seat. A GOP press laison commented "The voting public want something different in the Whitehouse. Policies aren't getting votes, this year we have a Woman, an African American, a Mormon, a Baptist Minister and Rudolph Guliani. Freak attraction is hot with the voters.".
Akkituyok was unavailable for comment as he is currently taking English and etiquette lessons.