CAMBRIDGE, MA - A financial report released by Harvard University found that individuals with the highest incomes are paying less income tax, percentage-wise, than those with the lowest, and deservedly so.
"The higher income earners work much harder," said Dr. Donald Richards, professor of Economics. "No one is just born into a rich family, wealth must be earned. The Hiltons are a wonderful example of such."
"I've spent countless hours having my accountants cook the books and evade taxes," said Dan Trum, CEO of Avariciti Bank. "I've worked hard to earn my money, so of course I deserve to keep as much of it as I can. I don't want to pay taxes so some jobless bum can use my money to buy my custom-built yacht."
"Those uneducated bums should wipe their tears on their thrift shop sleeves, then roll up those sleeves and get a job," offered Noel Pritchard, COO of Globeron. "Look at me, I work damn hard. It's not easy funneling millions into untraceable offshore accounts."
Lower income earners, who refer to themselves as the poor in an attempt to gain sympathy, view the tax imbalance as unfair.
"I work three jobs just to put Big Macs on the table," said Jon Forth, a single father of two. "Don't tell me I don't work hard. First I work mornings at McDonald's, then I head to Burger King for the afternoon, then Wendy's in the evening. Don't I deserve to get a break, or should all those rich buggers up on Wall Street keep it all?"
When reached for comment, Bill Harding, a rich bugger up on Wall Street said, "No."