Written by Bill Johnson
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Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for Bush Agrees to Immediate Iraq Troop Withdrawl

Today, in an unexpected move George W Bush declared he will be bringing the troops back from Iraq "immediately", citing insight from Tom Cruise and the principles of Scientology for enlightening him as to the "true powers of positive scientific thinking", and vigorously denies copying Ron Paul's strategies whatsoever.

"I am ultimately following the true path as dictated in Scientology for my beliefs in what is needed for the world to prosper, and I'd like to thank Tom for helping me with this important decision and enlightenment", said President Bush today in a news conference at his Ranch in Crawford, Texas.

"I awoke today, in an almost Hypodermic Trance, and found that the voices inside my head had a new plan for the world, based on my recent meetings with Tom Cruise and also after watching his old movie "Top Gun". I truly admire his flying in that movie, and it brings back fond memories of my ghost-dogfighting days in the Texas National guard.

"I then realized that the Iraqi peninsula was no place to stage a showdown against Al-Qaida anymore, and that they would never ever be able to stage a Top Gun type battle against our forces there, so I'm opting to move the war on terror to countries more suited to Top Gun type warfare and have selected Iran and Russia to tangle with next.

"I haven't lost that lovin feeling, nor am I ready to sing like Tom Cruise in that movie, but I'm ready to bring the fight back to the skies, and bring back the glamour and renewed interest in our aerial fighting forces."

President Bush was later seen at a local video game store buying copies of Battlefield 2, Top Gun Combat Zones, and Microsoft Flight Simulator, and was overheard saying that he just wanted to relive the good old days flying again as soon as possible, even if it was just on his computer screen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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