Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for Kyla Ebbert joins Virgin Atlantic; Richard Branson hires her as the airlines official fashion consultant to help with its carbon-offset program
Kyla Ebbert does all she can to help Virgin take it off for the environment

London, England - When Virgin Atlantic's Richard Branson, invited Hooters waitress, Kyla Ebbert, to fly his airline free of charge, everyone thought it was just another of his brilliant stuns to monopolize on free media. Well, Branson may have outdone himself as he announced today that he has hired Ebbert as the airline's official fashion consultant.

Ebbert's appointment coincides with the airline's commitment to reduce carbon emissions, which some are calling innovate; well others charge it is nothing more than sexism.

"We're simply attempting to reduce the amount of unnecessary weight we ferry back and forth across the pond. Nothing more," said a Virgin Atlantic pilot, whose opinion is in the minority among the stewardesses that object to the new union form designs proposed by Ebbert.

"Oh sure, it's fine for her to dress like that, but not me. It wouldn't feel proper, " complained a Virgin Atlantic stewardess.

Virgin Atlantic says its all a misunderstanding and that when the stewardesses realize that the new uniforms are designed to reduce the amount of weight the plane carries, fuel expended and thereby reduce carbon emissions into the environment, they will be more than willing to accept the new scantly clad uniforms.

Ebbert's new design consists of a plain white tank top and Daisy Duke shorts.

"I'm not showing my knickers to no body but my husband, and he don't get to see them as often as likes, I'm sure, so why would I be letting a bunch of strangers have a peek. I don't care how much fuel it saves," said a Virgin Atlantic stewardess as she stormed out of a meeting that rolled out the new uniform.

The new Virgin Atlantic stewardess's uniforms have come under criticism by others as well.

"We're not sure our trademark has been violated, but we have gotten a court injunction prohibiting Virgin Atlantic from using Ebbert's proposed designs, just the same," said an attorney for Hooters Restaurants.

Not all stewardesses reject the new uniforms. Most have embraced them. It is not known for how long the new plain white tank top and Daisy Duke shorts will last in the carbon-offset program, judging on the talk from the stewardesses' egger to participate, before it becomes a hindrance, however.

"I have been waiting for a justification for that breast augmentation I always wanted," said one of the stewardesses who welcomed the new uniforms. "Besides, my tax accountant says he maybe able to write it off as a business expense, if I start getting tips he expects I'll make with the body I got."

Engineers predict that if the competitive nature of women kicks in, the amount of fuel initially saved by introducing the new lighter uniforms will be short lived by the new weight gained expected in the increased number of breast implants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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