Rivaling the World Wrestling Federation in action, six democratic hopeful presidential candidates went at it in a scheduled 10-round mud wrestling contest last night in Vegas.
For "Ultimate Warrior" Bill Richardson, "Mad Dog" Joseph Biden, "Nature Boy" Chris Dodd and Dennis "The Menace" Kucinich, the opening moments were frustrating as "Superstar" Barack Obama and "Hurricane" John Edwards double-teamed their partner, the "Fabulous Moolah," Hillary Rodham Clinton, the only female in the ring.
The bout progressed heartily as the Ultimate Warrior, who has wrestled in Nevada more than any of the other contenders, shouted out from his position ringside taking verbal shots at the three contenders in the ring calling them, "cheap liberal skates," "poll posers," "elitist pigs" and "suburban bounty hunters."
Then, stalking his opponent and looking for a weakness, the Superstar attacked the Fabulous Moolah starting in for a half-nelson, and changing his position to a full Arm-drag Alabama body slam and grabbing her in an over and under crotch lift and dropping her to the muddy canvas.
The Fabulous Moolah's body slammed against the mud sending it everywhere. After regaining composure, the Fabulous Moolah countered against the Superstar with a supine springboard arm drag spinning him into a crucifix toss and taking him by the shoulder and slamming his head into the turnbuckle causing fake blood to flow from a fake gash on his forehead.
Then, she climbed up on the post in the corner of the ring and jumped right upon the Superstar with a pile driver across the head. The Superstar, looking like a rag doll with a few threads unraveled, wobbled around the ring a little and conceded to her plan.
It was about that time that Hurricane John Edwards ran up behind the Fabulous Moolah with a metal chair and came across her head causing a loud slam in the arena. But the senator, employing tactics that she had learned in Wellesley Wrestling College about dealing with wrestlers from the Boys Club, appeared unphased by the blow.
She then gathered herself together and went after the Hurricane with a Cobra clutch bulldog turning into a over-the-shoulder arm drag and then to an arm breaker inverted spinning bulldog full atomic drop.
After witnessing the damage that the Fabulous Moolah had performed, all agreed that they had had enough and everyone headed for their respective shower rooms.