Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 14 November 2007

image for The New Frontier -- Home of the all-female bikini clad mechanical bull riding team -- demolished; All-girl bar buys the mechanical bulls
All-female bikini clad mechanical bull riding becomes all-girl bikini clad mechanical bull riding

Clark County, Las Vegas - So popular that it was once even considered for an Olympic sporting event by the International Olympic gaming commission before it was beat out by synchronized swimming, the all-female bikini clad mechanical bull riding was the featured event at The New Frontier. Unfortunately, its popularity waned with the rise of all-female bikini clad mud wrestling down the block at the Golden Nugget.

It is believed that excessive injuries to the short career of the all-female bikini clad mechanical bull riders also contributed to the declining attendance at the New Frontier Hotel Casino, due to the number of workman compensation claims filed by the mechanical bull riders.

"They were all beautiful girls," said Doug Hornberk, long-term New Frontier patron. "But in the end with all the falls and spills they took, just after a few months the did not look so good."

According to Clark County workers compensation records a statistically disproportionate number of claims also included a large number of eye injuries, sustained most by girls with breast implants or lucky male patrons in the audience.

A handful of former New Frontier male patrons gathered at the somber ceremony to witness firsthand the destruction of the New Frontier and rapidly disappearing era of male heterosexual voyeurism and exploitation of the female gender, but all were too overcome with emotion to comment.

The mechanical bulls will live on, however, as they were purchased by an all-girl only bar.

"We will feature the mechanical bull rides on center stage between the pole dancers and in our VIP rooms," said Pat, owner of the all-girl bar. "That way we should be able to triple our cover charge, not to mention our patronage."

Pat expressed concerns that her business decisions to feature a mechanical bull at her cutting edge all-girl bar would draw unwanted attention and condemnation of the of the local authorities, all too eager to impose their standards.

"But no," said Pat. "The Fire Department came in checked things out and said the mechanical bulls were up to code. They Okayed our permit, and so we're ready to go."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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