Written by Bull Winkle Wilson
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Friday, 16 November 2007

image for Police Train Alligators to Eat Fleeing Car Thieves in Florida
Car Unharmed

Car thieves in Florida, beware! Using the Pavlov's dog training technique, every time a car alarm goes off gators start eating everyone in sight that is in a hurry.

A fleeing car thief in Florida was eaten as police chased him. Officially it is being denied, but undisclosed sources have shown us how police are training gators to eat fleeing car thieves all over the state.

"No one likes to hear car alarms, but we might as well put them to good use," Miami-Dade County trainee told us. He said they are training the gators by using unfortunate fleeing monkeys running from cars sounding alarms.

Apparently the idea originated after several innocent citizens were eaten by gators while golfing. "We figured what the heck, if gators are hungry, it is better for them to eat criminals instead of golfers. In fact, many police officers like to golf, and we don't want to get eaten."

It also turns out this is much easier than training dolphins, as eating humans trying to escape police was a natural thing for alligators, they are used to eating fleeing pigs, etc, why not fleeing humans?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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