(Washington) - An un-named U.S. Senator revealed that Osama Bin Laden has been captured by U.S. forces and is being held under heavy guard in a top secret U.S. location
According to the National Enquisitor, a female staff reporter for the popular tabloid met the un-named U.S. Senator, who, for the purposes of anonymity, we will call Hillary, in a Dulles Airport restroom stall yesterday where it was revealed that Osama had been apprehended in Pakistan last week at a local Wal-Mart where he was shopping for the new Britney Spears CD. Bin Laden was arrested and immediately flown, by private government jet, to the U.S. where he is currently being closely guarded at a top secret location, reported to be a Las Vegas hotel suite, at the Montecito Hotel & Casino, owned by Tom Selleck and run by Danny McCoy. Hotel officials could not be reached for comment as they are currently on hiatus due to the writer's strike.
According to the un-named secret source named Hillary, the capture of Bin Laden, the world's #1 terrorist and mastermind of 9/11, is being kept top secret for political purposes. The secret source, who is a Democratic presidential front runner, claimed that Republicans plan on keeping Bin Laden under wraps until just before the 2008 election when they will exploit the capture to get votes and, according to liberals, conspirators, and Bush-haters, once again steal the presidential election.
copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence