Written by King David
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Topics: School

Friday, 9 November 2007

image for Camouflage wearing students surprise Mayberry Middle School teachers
A teacher with his own form of camoflauge hiding from students at Mayberry Middle

Teachers at Mayberry Middle School were alarmed today and caught off guard as students showed up for class dressed in camouflage fatigues and shirts. Most of the teachers working in the school are not from the South, but are from the Northeast and Mid-West and are not used to southern holidays.

"It's the beginning of deer season in the South and it's a national holiday for southerners," said Mayberry Middle Principal John McBride. "Many southern families pull their children out of school on that day and go out into the woods together looking to rouse an unsuspecting deer and blow it's head off much like their father's and their father's father and their ancestors did hundreds of years ago."

McBride also said that the students didn't mean any harm by showing up in camos and were just anticipating a long weekend.

But first-year teachers like carpetbagger, Adam Savalles say they weren't expecting it.

"My first reaction was to run," he said.

Savalles, originally from upstate New York, married a local, Mayberry girl and says that he isn't used to the customs yet.

"After my wife physically kicked my son and I out of the bed with her for farting under the covers, I knew that I hadn't landed in Kansas."

Another first-year teacher, Alexandra Frankenstein complained that everyday is like "walking down the midway with the freak shows at the fair. You never know what you're going to see."

Analysts say that the reason southerners are so violent and appear so freakish is because they lost the Civil War and have been exposed to too much formaldehyde in the trailers that they live in.

But cultural anthropologists disagree placing the blame on intermarriages between family members and unhealthy genetics.

Mayberry Middle School, home to the Fighting Bow Hunters, was built in 1953.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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