In an attempt to insure that every victim of hurricane Katrina receives at least $1.00 President Bush has persuaded Congress to expedite 250 Billion of aid. The aid will be delivered in the form of cash grants to the top 1% wage earners in the country.
The President's FEMA director said "This will work quite well, we know where these 1% of the people live, and we know they do good volunteer work and that they are good investors."
Each recipient will receive 1 Billion dollars, more if they qualify, and will be required to see that at least $1,000 of that money is distributed directly to 1,000 people displaced by the disaster. The remainder of the funds may be invested in any way deemed fit by the recipient.
"By putting money directly into the hands of philanthropists we will be sure that the money will ultimately get into the hands of the people that need it the most. Philanthropists dole out the money slowly so that recipients are not overwhelmed by the responsibility of money management." said the presidents chief of staff.
"I may be a lame duck", proclaimed the president, "but these pfilanthropodiatrists will be around long after I'm gone and will continue the good works that I started when I was here and able to do something about it that was good for the people who needed the most help and got it. The people of New Orleans were swamped by a flood and I won't let that happen again, I promise to slow things to a trickle and protect the people again."
"I'm determined to spend the remainder of my political capital on the people of New Orleans, who need it the most" said Bush "After all I'm a pfilanthropodiatrist too. So I will also help keeping all the right people in the jobs I gave them unless the media hounds them until they resign, but we need these good people to help fix New Orleans, I promise."
The people displaced from New Orleans were unavailable for comment.