London, England - An attempt by comedy writers to lend sympathetic support to their brothers and sisters in the Writers Guild of America (WGA) strike was dealt with swiftly and harshly by the editors at one of the world's most popular satire sites, TheSpoof.com. The spoof writers were all fired for merely sending a greeting card which all spoof writers signed wishing members of the WGA good luck with their strike.
According to an internal memo, procured, at the expense of many Bothan lives, TheSpoof.com will turn to the Dark Side and outsource all spoof writing to Bollywood to replace its 'No talent washed up hacks'.
The internal memo of TheSpoof.com editorial staff read in its entirety:
TO: Editors at TheSpoof.com
FROM: The Big Boss Grove
SUBJECT: Terminating our writers during the WGA strike so we can outsource to India
DATE: November 5, 2007
I say it's high time we support our fellow Hollywood producer brethren in this WGA strike by taking the lead in terminating all our writers so we can then outsource to India and later Mexico and China.
We all know outsourcing is the way to go. We can't afford not to take advantage of it. It's all the corporate rage and now finally our time has come to rid ourselves of all this dead wood and finally make some boo coo bucks.
Why just read the report from our trade delegation that just returned from India last week and you see what I mean. You editors will be treated like gods over there, finally getting the respect you deserve.
Now is the time to rid ourselves of this "White Man's Burden" and use the WGA strike as the perfect cover to accuse our washed up no talent hacks of subverting the free market economy by of their incessant demands for just compensation.
Send out the termination e-mails immediately!
Shortly after that memo the writer's termination notices were sent out. The e-mail read as follows:
Dear "Comedy" writers:
Your services are no longer required.
Not that that it is any business of yours, but your positions will all be replaced by a crack staff of comedy writers from India who will work longer and harder and certainly more diligently then you miserable lot.
Our trade delegation has assured us the average Indian comedy writer works 24/7 to please their editors. And more importantly, they often bare expensive gifts for their beloved editors, offering up their first-born children for indentured servitude as well.
We have never seen such commitment in a comedy writer or quality of comedy writing, since the Animal Rights fanatics forced us to stop using monkeys handcuffed to typewriters. Or the environmental terrorists prohibited us from blowing up Oxford Dictionaries to save the Rainforest and made us to throw in with you sorrowful lot.
-- Without any affection whatsoever, or remote chance of respect, insincerely yours,
As of the date of this termination e-mail, the editors at the TheSpoof.com have not communicated with any of its writers.
No spoof writers would comment on their terminations disbelieving the editors could ever find anyone to work as cheaply as they do, not even starving Indians.
"Even if they could go back to using monkeys or blowing up unabridged Oxford Dictionary's, they won't because both bananas and paper come at a premium now days," said a spoof writer who asked not to be identified for fear of reprisal by the editors.