Written by King David
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Saturday, 3 November 2007

image for Bush employs terracotta army to join US forces in Iraq
Bush calls Chinese leader, Deng Xiaoping to ask him for the terra cotta army

With 50% enlistment down amongst African American and Hispanic recruits, it was reported today that President Bust would be sending in terracotta soldiers to fill in for the desperately needed men to fight his war in Iraq.

The terracotta soldiers, or "fighting decoys" would be flown in from China and join US forces in Baghdad. It was surmised that since the Chinese army was several hundred years older than the Americans they would add desperately needed fighting experience to the US forces capacity, but it wasn't discussed when the last time they had seen action.

Chinese leader, Deng Xiaoping said, "We hope that the Americans are not disappointed. We have a no return policy on all of our warriors."

The president got the idea as he was sitting at his desk in the Oval office and lifted up a paper weight that said, "made in China" on the bottom. That's when he remembered his history lesson and called the Chinese leader. He received support from vice-president Dickless Cheney who uses decoys on hunting trips.

No disclosure on how much the army cost the president has been made, but he is counting on the fact he will not have to pay, or feed the soldiers individually.

"The costs (of maintaining) a terracotta soldier is relatively cheap," said Colonel Abbot Clay. "They only require a little bit of water so they don't dry out."

The Terracotta Warriors and Horses are one of the most significant archeological excavations of the 20th century.

"We hate to see them being used that way," said museum curator Qin Shi Huang, one of the direct descendants of the great emperor of the same name. "They are not made to withstand those kinds of weapons over there."

The terracotta army features life sized warriors and horses made out of clay and arranged in battle formations popular in 246 BC. Columns of soldiers are lined up in the front followed by war chariots at the back. They are replicas of what the imperial guard would have looked like in those days.

The president said that a terracotta Navy would not be used.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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