Britney Spears barely talks to or plays with her two little kids - and treats them like fashion accessories, a child care 'expert' has found. Elaine Whey, 42 and fat, had this to say in her sworn court testimony:
"The environment I witnessed at Spears house ranged from mad to f*cking insane," parenting coach Miss Whey said in a scathing evaluation that a judge cited in denying the singer's demand she get back shared custody.
"During my 3 pre-arranged visits to the house, Britney spent no time with the kids, little Jayden James, 1, and Sean Preston, 2. When she did acknowledge them it was simply to order them to fetch her crack pipe or roll her another monster spliff. Most of the time she walks around naked. Her pert breasts really make me sick.".
"On another occasion I actually witnessed Britney 'wearing' little Sean Preston on her head as if he were a hat. Another time I caught her cleaning the toilet with Jayden's soother. The amount of drug paraphernalia lying about the floor was quite disturbing. She even offered me a a syringe filled with heroin. But I declined the offer as I was on duty at the time."
It must though be noted that Miss Whey is a bitter, twisted old witch whose own failed music career in the mid 80's forced her into her child care occupation. She has also been allegedly dating K-Fed, although this is unconfirmed.
Judge Gary Coleman has ordered the kids to remain with their father, K-Ped, granting Spears only two seven-hour visits a week and one overnight stay.
The Judge, who last month labeled Spears a "whackjob" substance abuser, ruled her random drug tests must continue.
Spears says she doesn't mind, in fact the idea of trying out random drugs actually appeals to her curious nature.