George W Bush in a special message from the Oval Office announced that Ron Paul would soon be sworn in as President of the United States by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
He recounted that just an hour ago that both he and Dick Cheney submitted their resignations to the Congress on the condition that the House of Representatives convene immediately by telephonic link and elect Rep Ron Paul [R-TX] to be Speaker of the House of Representatives.
The current Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, told him, "Sure, no problem, anything to get rid you and Dick." By a unanimous vote of the House of 434 Yea, 0 Nay, with 1 abstention (Ron Paul), Ron Paul was elected Speaker of the House. As the third in the Presidential line of succession, the resignation of the current President and Vice President automatically makes him President of the United States of America.
When questioned as to why he would do such a thing, Former President George W Bush said, "I didn't want that phoney, Hillary Clinton as my President and even a "nut-case" like Ron Paul would be better for the country than her."
There are reports of mass confusion in national press offices across the country beginning to come over the wires. One unconfirmed report said the Bill O'Riley was last seen chugging on a liter bottle of "Jack Black" while staggering down the hallways of Fox News.
There are also unconfirmed reports from military bases all over the world who were all getting carried away and they were launching missiles as sky-rockets in celebration of the news. One PFC, Harry Smith, is quoted as saying, "WOW, the 4th of July has come a bit early this year."