Written by Rick Higginson
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Topics: New York, Airlines

Thursday, 25 March 2004

image for Lip Shaped Urinals have new buyer.
Bathroom Mania's "Kisses" urinal

NEW YORK, New York - Virgin Atlanitc Airlines remained coy about the rumors, but insiders insist that the red-lipsticked, mouth shaped urinals that Virgin had orignally planned to install in their lounge at New York's JFK Airport have a new buyer.

The urinals, called "Kisses" and designed by a Female Dutch designer, have generated a great deal of negative publicity for Virgin Atlantic. Outcry arose from Women's groups, including the National Organization of Women, as well as from numerous private citizens who found the concept distasteful. In response to the public feedback, Virgin Atlantic apologized for any offense and removed the urinals from the plans for the new lounge.

The rumors insist that the "Good Ol' Boys Sportsmen Club" of Upstate New York has tendered an offer to buy the controversial fixtures, and that they intend to install them in the Men's Room of their clubhouse.

The club, which typically maintains a low profile, is a loosely organized group which gathers together for such activities as hunting, fishing, trap shooting, and spending long evenings in the clubhouse discussing how the Country is "going to Hell in a handbasket". The club's membership encompasses a broad spectrum of the population, ranging from rural farmers through suburban middle class workers, to Wall Street financial moguls, but during a typical evening gathering, it is difficult to tell one from the other in the club's smoking room. All are dressed as though ready to head out for a deer hunt, and pretentious airs are strongly discouraged.

A mid-afternoon visit to the GOBS Clubhouse found few members present, and most of those who were in the sitting room declined to comment. Sergeant-at-Arms Howie Schutze, however, confirmed that the GOBS were negotiating to purchase the fixtures from Virgin Atlantic.

"We have an artist in the club," he shared congenially and indicated some impressive wildlife scenes on the wall. "Our facilities committee thought the urinals would be a real hit in our Men's Room if the artist added certain faces to the wall to go with the lips. Hillary Clinton and Dianne Feinstein were the biggest winners in our poll for whose faces should be painted on the wall. Their efforts in Congress to take away our guns and our hunting rights result in a lot of angry conversation around here.

"We'd never do anything illegal, you understand, but the thought of, shall we say, 'expressing ourselves' in effigy on them has a certain appeal." After a moment's thought, a smile erupted on Schutze's face and he added, "Of course, on busy nights there might just be a long line for a certain one, though."

In related news, urinal designer Meike van Schijndel reports that orders for the controversial urinals have increased dramatically in the wake of the Virgin Atlantic publicity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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