Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Disneyland, Wildfire

Monday, 29 October 2007

image for California Adventure gets One Billion Dollars for new controversial rides: "I-5 Fiery Tunnel of Death" and the "California Wildfire Adventure" ride
The "California Adventure" may lead the nation in a new direction after all

Anaheim, California - Disney executives confirmed today that they would be spending one billion dollars on the fairly new California Adventure, built in the parking lot adjacent to Disneyland in Anaheim, California. The amount is more than what it originally cost to build the amusement park to begin with, but they are confident the money will be well spent on the new controversial rides. Critics have dismissed all of which as insensitive.

Among the controversial rides the award winning Disney creative team of Imagineers has come up with so far: The I-5 Fiery Tunnel of Death Ride, the California Wildfire Adventure Ride and Freeway Traffic Drive-By (shooting) Road Rage Ride.

"No one finds the Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion or The Tower of Terror insensitive," counters a Disney executive. "So we don't see anything wrong with the new rides we are proposing to add to the California Adventure."

"It just sends the wrong message to today's youth," said Stewart Little, a critic of the proposed new rides. "All these rides plant the seed in our minds of poor stewardship from our elected officials for poor engineering, improper planning and being unprepared. They challenge us consistently to question the role of authority in our society and routinely evaluate it as if our lives depended on it."

For example (according to Little), The California Wildfire Ride sends the amusement park goers on a ride of their life and for their livelihood as they struggle side-by-side with firefights to save their homes form natures inferno triggered by a psycho arsonist and bureaucratic budget cuts backs to clear the forest of beetle infested dead trees.

You survive; only to find out the real battle has just begun. Now you have to face unethical carpet baggier contractors. Avoid drowning in a sea of endless red tape from your the insurance company. Then for the finale, you watch the parade of flesh pressing, slap on the back automaton politicians flown in for their photo-op with your life in ashes still smoldering as their backdrop shot, securing their reelections next year and promising assistance you know they will not deliver on once the cameras are put away.

All the while, you are left still standing there, trying to put the pieces of your shattered life back together again as the parade of the mobile press junket hopscotches throughout the State away from you to the next hot spot.

Marching on and leaving you behind with only your family, friends, good neighbors, the kindness of strangers and your will not only to sustain you, but transform you in the person you were born to be.

Today there are yesterday's ashes on your hands, but tomorrow there will be a hammer in it.

"You see what I mean?" said Little. "It goes on and on like that instilling a spirit in this country that hasn't been felt since 1776, our victory in WWII, The Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the landing on the moon. I'm asking you, do we really need that right now, or what?"

The new rides are projected to be completed sometime in the not too distant future. Oh, and do not forget to bring your hammer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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