The US secretary of state Colin Powell today asked to be excused further appearances at the 9/11 enquiry. Citing poor health - "I don't feel well ‘cos my tummy's upset and I think I'm going to have a cold in about three days from now" - he produced a note from his mother asking the chairman of the enquiry if little Colin could be let off any further need to testify.
"Colin's a good boy" Mrs Powell told theSpoof, "but he's prone to anxiety attacks and that brings on his asthma. Besides which he has the dickiest tummy of any middle-aged boy I've ever known. I just know if he keeps up this kind of pressure on himself he's going to get a poopy ass."
The chairman of the enquiry, Thomas Kean, said he would look closely at Mrs Powell's request. "I have every sympathy with Colin Powell's position on this issue", he told theSpoof. "Why, my own mom told me only yesterday she thought I was going to get into an awful lot of trouble with some people if I didn't clean my shoes properly and wash my neck more often. Once your mom takes sides, you're done for if she's agin ye."
And in a parallel story it emerged yesterday that unelected President George Dubbya has been suffering at the hands of his mom. Barbara Bush, known for her fiercely old-fashioned values, has apparently told Dubbya that if he invades any more countries before the election she's going to stop his spending money. "Georgie's a dear boy", she is rumoured to have said, "but he's not the smartest pretzel in the pack. This is the only way to make him see sense."