Toledo, Ohio - Mayor Carty Finkbeiner announced today that his latest city program to issue every resident their own police siren on the condition that they would use it only if faced with a "real emergency" was maybe not so good of an idea. What started as a naive way to maintain health and safety by providing instant and universal emergency transportation to the populace in the wake of the recent ambulance driver's strike quickly plunged the city into utter chaos.
"I guess I overestimated the average person's ability to use good judgment and common sense," Finkbeiner said in a hastily called press conference. "Turns out an "emergency" was being defined as everything from being late for work to running low on beer." The Toledo Police Department reported that as of yesterday afternoon 85% of all major intersections had at least a four car pileup.
Not all Toledoans agreed with the Mayor's assessment. "I'm having the time of my life," 21 year old Danny Michel is quoted as saying. "Every day just driving to school feels like I'm living in a real life big budget blockbuster action movie. Mayor Finkbeiner ROCKS!!"