Tucumcari, NM (NIP) Mattel has announced today from their New Mexico R&D center that they have joined with Microsoft and Dr. Frankenstein,Inc to support their '08 Presidential hopeful. Former Mass. Govneror Mitt Romney.
In a press release, they have shocked many with news that they not only back Romney, they created him.
"We felt that after all the failed experiments in all our combined ventures, we felt that together we could create a perfect politician." It went on to describe what each enterprise was able to bring to the table.
"We have a very successful line of life size dolls and action figures. We contracted with Frankenstein, Inc to bring one of our life size Ken dolls to life. After years of failures, we were able to create the actual live, anatomically correct version. At this point, the joint venture ran into problems with the creature having no mental faculties. We then brought Microsoft in to develop a software program to run the cybernetic brain we had developed. The results were amazing, as witnessed by his quick rise to power."
The report does point out a few flaws:
The Microsoft software, true to form, had glitches, causing Mitt Doll to not retain what program was his "For" and "Against" protocols, causing a rash of accusations of 'flip-flopping'.
Also, he was to be Catholic, but a glitch caused him to become Mormon.
Mattel's human hair hairpiece was not upgradable, though it does save money on haircuts.
"Dr. Frankenstein's was the only full success. The joints move smoothly, coordination is top notch. They are also responsible for the very generous anatomically correct portions, although it was a black model. This about the closest Frankenstein, Inc came to a mistake. His fellow Mormons would not approve of such an attachment. All in all, we are very pleased with the final product." The press release concludes.
Critics of this "created candidate" say that they fear he will be a security risk.
"What if he suddenly remembers Japan where his brain was made and it sparks a love of the Motherland. We could be looking at another Pearl Harbor attack in New Jersey!" stated John Stikleman, who wished remain anonymous. "What about the children? What if his body was made in China, like the other Ken dolls and he is covered in lead paint?
"What if an intern gets some of him in his or her mouth? My goodness, doesn't anyone wish to protect us from Asia?"
When asked if he was high and voting for Hillary, Stickleman refused to comment, remembering he had an important meeting with Marv Albert.