Washington, D.C. -- Ron Paul for President volunteer in charge of campaign spam was found sleeping on the job late yesterday evening.
Erik Jordansen, 23, was found sound asleep after a routine audit discovered that Paul was uncharacteristically losing a number of online polls at approximately 3:00am. "We suspected something was amiss," stated Communications director, Jesse Benton, "we just weren't exactly sure what the problem was."
Kent Snyder, Chairman for the Paul campaign, stated that he's been receiving a number of frantic emails expressing concern over Paul's online performance in various high-profile polls. "We brought Erik on board back in April because of his enthusiasm for the campaign, as well as his overall knowledge of all things computer related. So, we gave him a place down there in the basement, supplied him with a computer along with a broadband connection, and just let him go," Mr. Snyder explained. "I guess part of it is our fault -- he was doing such a good job down there that we all just kinda forgot about him. It's obvious now, 6 months later, but it was just a matter of time before he was going to need some rest," Snyder noted.
Despite being found slacking off on the job, Snyder says the campaign did not fire him. "Erik has been a great asset to the team here at Paul Headquarters," he explained, "we've won countless online polls, as well as debates, including straw polls due to Erik's expertise. He's even managed, somehow, to spam yards, rural roads, and even freeways across America with various Ron Paul signs. The guy's a genius -- I don't know how he does it, but he's even managed to spam our campaign coffers with millions of dollars. It would be absolute nuts to fire that guy."
Asked what steps the campaign has taken to prevent another such lapse, Mr. Snyder explained, "Well, we've expanded our spamming operations considerably. It's no longer just Erik down there in the basement. We now have an entire team of spammers with Erik in charge of it all. Of course, we now recognize the need for even those devoted individuals to sleep once in awhile, so we've gone ahead and spent some of our campaign cash on a couple of bunk beds for down there too."