Washington, DC -- President George Bush met with reporters today to clear the air about his confusing military past.
"I just want the record to show, before I leave office, that I proudly served my country in war," demanded Bush. "Here, just look," he said, positioning a tiny, plastic soldier figure into an action pose on the Oval Office coffee table. "This is me. I served just like this," Bush exhorted.
Reporters were vexed over the liliputian soldier's purpose in Bush's press conference. When asked about it, Bush shot back: "Guys, c'mon! This is me in action. I fought in the war. Stop your liberal mud-slinging and look! Here I am! Soldier pants, a gun, a helmet, and all those neat gadgets around my waist."
When asked which war, exactly, he served in, Bush pointed to the figure and said: "This one!" and just shook his head. "There's a whole box full of us soldiers right here under my desk." Reporters attempted to ask more questions, but were whisked away by Dick Cheney, who entered the room and told Bush, "Time for your nappy-nap, Georgey!"